Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
