So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize