A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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