We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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