look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
