dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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