I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
