The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
