I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you didnt know i had herpes?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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