I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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