i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
