she woke up with a sticky ear
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
