dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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