Rock
Scissors
Fuck
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
