Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize