I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize