her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
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