True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
