i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
