My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
