I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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