I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
