This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
