I'm passing your future prison.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
