Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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