he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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