can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
