She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
