so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can you repeat that, but with context?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
