worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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