I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
