I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
