Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
