I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize