I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
