he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
