Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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