We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
