if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
