I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize