We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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