i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
