sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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