so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
