Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
