What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
