Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
