With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
