Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
