Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
