Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
