I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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