Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
two words: eviction party
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
