he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
