girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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