and next time when you feel me up, do it right
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
