Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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