Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
