my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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