good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
This house was built for laser tag.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
