better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
