I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
