I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
