Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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