He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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