I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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