I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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