sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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