Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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