if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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