Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I forget how to act sober
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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